Today, right now, I am listening to the saddest sound:

"muuuuuuuuuu"

So mournful, so pathetic and so bad!

It's my daughter going around with her cow flashlight that when put on used to give a hearty and healthy "MOO"

Not today. I think he is calling it quits. Not that I blame him . . .All these times of moo-ing and no one has come to his rescue yet.

Four Aunts and an Ovary.

In my comments sarahgrace said

Oh Michelle- I will pray for your ovary...I know that sounds funny and I hope it made you laugh, but seriously, I will be praying for you.

It did! And then Camy wanted to know more about how my aunties mother me, so let me tell you a something that involves a bit of both.

I have four aunts; two live together in MN and one lives near by me in the mission field, about 45 minute drive. My fourth aunt also lives in MN with her hubby . . .

Well, I got the news on Monday, "state side" in CA, that I need to get this baseball size ovary out. I'm tired, I'm already stressed with other going-ons. I feel overwhelmed and stunned. So I whip out our cell and make a call to the aunties in MN (who are also prayer warriors) to let them know and ask for prayer - since I'm dazed. Feeling numb. Can't think.

Then Tuesday - still feeling dazed I drive over to my aunts place in MX around lunch time (always a good time to visit!!) to talk with her. But when I get there she already knows. She got the e-mail asking for prayer from MN (mind you my two MN aunties don't have e-mail! I suspect aunt #4 has something to do with this!) and aunt in MX was surprised that I hadn't called or come over earlier!

I was grateful (once again) for these loving aunts of mine and embarrassed at the same time.

Embarrassed because . . .huh, I mean, ovaries are just so personal! And those that know me know that I am NOT SHY when we are talking about . . .*ahem* stuff! I just have to keep this blog family friendly, that's all . . .

Anyway - it's the same feeling I had when I was pregnat. Like I was walking around with my underwear exposed, something so personal is so entirely public!

Now again, when speaking to my uncle, or brothers(!) I haven't told them yet, YIKES, I don't want to speak about my OVARIES with them in the same way that I don't want to hear about their testes! or even other family and friends of the female variety, I am speaking through some odd sense of modesty. It's weird.

But it's my aunts who are counseling me, listening to me, and praying for me. Spreading the word about my ovary to all those good Lutherans in Minnesota - Including Pastor Ronald! Ugh! Stop it? No way!

Besides what's so different about blogging it that it doesn't bother me here? Perhaps because I am writing to an audience, in my mind's eye, of women? Can't say . . . but the written word "ovary" isn't nearly as awkward as it is spoken.
ovary
ovary
ovary Then again maybe it is?

Captivating

Chapter 10

Mothers, Daughters, Friends

My aunts had a big part in mothering me. I am more than thankful they did. I can see now that a lot of my personal beliefs and attitudes come from one aunt in particular that didn't have any children of her own.

I have 4 aunts, all sisters to my mother. They all have influenced my life in one way or another. Another aunt has had in her home three of her own children and many many others that have graced her table. She considers them spiritual children besides her own.

My darlings have so many grandmothers . . . . we call them auntie-grandma's.
So this chapter rung true to me.
Yet not necessarily hitting with me anything particularity new or insightful.
That or I'm just not "getting" it.
Well, there are only two chapters left.
Let's see what's next . . . Ohhh - "Warrior Princess" That just SOUNDS interesting! . . .

I'm late!

So, I'm behind on posting my Capivating chapter 9 post . . .I hope to get to that tonight.

But in the meantime, would you send a prayer up for me? An ultrasound found my left ovary enlarged to the size of a baseball (8 cm diameter) and good or bad it needs to come out.

People keep asking me how I feel.

I can't get over feeling tired. As Chaotic mom spoke about . . .I'm in the "tired thirties".

For the sake of my sanity - I'm taking the 1 year old out of the bathroom where the two year old locked him in and we are going out to the park for a picnic lunch. So, I've got to run.

Imagine a birthday . . .

My daughter loves Cinderella.

Here darling, here is Cinderella -

Now, for fun, and to celebrate something wonderful, lets string her up with some rope, and proceed to beat her with a stick until her body is ripped from her head!

At which point we will all cheer and dogpile over the inners. *note- watch out for elbows, knees, feet, teeth, claws*
Remember the aggressive and forceful win!
And appendages will be going home as trophies if you can wrangle one away.

Small children, it would be best if you just cried in the sidelines.

I don't care much for pinatas. But I figure it's like sushi. Some love it, others just see raw fish. I don't like sushi either.

Now factor to all this jubilation over blatant violence -deafness. That was real fun at the deaf school we ministered at before we were here.

They'd have a blindfold on, so they couldn't see or hear when the pinata was broken, or when others were massing around them to gather candies . . No, they'd only feel a mass bobbing around them *he he he he*

Yeah, we had a rule that the kids couldn't go for the candies until the blindfold was off. Then the staff would look at each other and say "You go tap him on the shoulder to tell him his turns over!"

Hello You Blogging World!

OH!
I'm back!
It worked! (using an old 98 computer that was in the BACK ROOM)
I missed you!
I missed the internet!
I missed instant messenger!
E-mail!
I love you!
XXSMOOCH!XX

Now, to catch up on all my reading!!!!

A MEME

Missionary Mom tagged me . . . and I so enjoyed reading hers -who knew?

4 Things Meme

4 Jobs I have had in my life.
1 ice cream truck driver (I hated it)
2 registered nursing assistant in a nursing home and home health aid
3 coffee shop barrista
4 telemarketer for one day and quite because I H.A.T.E.D. it

4Movies that I could watch over and over (in no particular order)
1 Hitch
2 Shall we dance
3 the bbc pride and predjudice
4 Walase and Grommit

4 places I have lived
1 Seal Beach, CA
2 St. Paul, MN
3 Oaxoca, Mexico
4 Ensenada Mexico

4 things I like to do
1 read
2 host
3 watch movies
4 dance (but I really don''t do a lot of that anymore except with a featherduster in hand)

4 places I have been on vacation (or furlough)
Minnesota
Jamaca
Disneyland
Missouri

4 websites I visit daily
Boo Mama
Over head under Grace
all the others on my blogroll (thank you Happy Mom how to do this!)
see above

4 of my favorite foods
chocolate
coffee (yes, food)
mint chocolate fudge coverd Oreos
cheese

4 places I would like to be right now
Disneyland
A bed and breakfast
a all inclusive spa
a cruise ship (I think I need a vacation)

4 friends I think will respond.
Kelly
Cheerio Butt
Camy
Flip Flop Mama (if she hasn't been tag already!)

We are back home!!!!

And all the craziness that goes with arrival once you've been gone a while!

So, just to let you know . . . Our computer crashed before we left and so I am dropping it off at my brothers for repairs. I will be incommunicado . . . .

I am going to miss you all like crazy! No e-mail, no web, no computer . . Boo hoo! Boo Hoo!

I'm going to have to frequent those internet cafes!

What was that?

It was about 2am . . . I don't know for sure, but it was middle of the night-ish. After everyone was sleeping.

While we are at my in-laws we are staying in a camper trailer that works very well. And it is easy to hear when little missy wakes up . . .

I can see her looking around her bed.

"W'ere my hair?"
"What?!" (I hate being woke in the middle of a good sleep, hate it)
"w'ere my hair!?" she's still looking around, her voice get a bit more urgent
"It's On Your Head!" kind of through my teeth 'cause . . . . you know
"Oh, it's on my head?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, tay"
And back to sleep she went.

Guilty, as charged!

This seen on a church sign near by: "A synonym is a word that means the same as the one you can't spell"

The breakfast that lasted to lunch.

Like cool waters on a hot day!

That's what it felt like to meet up with these ladies!

Yes in-deedy. I got to meet in real life Rebekah and Addie! Kids in tow we got coffee then went to the nearest playplace. (There is a reason that McD's is doing so well!) Our kid count was 7, my own being the most troublesome. Little missy kept trying to see if her little brother could bounce! Yet we all survived and really, what a delight it was.

If you've read Addie's latest blog she will tell you that she's a bit "snappy" right now - but I got none of that, instead she impressed me as a calm, intelligent, insightful lady.

Rebekah was radiant with a smile that went from one ear to another!

Both, oh so delightful! And we went in for breakfast and left as the lunch crowd started coming in and my heart broke, seriously, I wish I could have stayed much, much longer.

I resisted calling after them and asking if I could just go home with them. That might have come off as a bit too . . . stalker-ish.

It was fun!
Thank you Addie! Thank you Rebekah!

It remains my honor to have met you.

Captivating Chapter 9

Arousing Adam -

This was actually very different than I thought it was going to be. The title is so titillating and then the chapter came off as so matter of fact. So - hmmm

I especially agree with the words it had to say to the single women and would recommend any single lady to read this on page 163. I approach with caution the section of "Good Men That Do Not Belong To You" I believe that in opposite gender relationships we need to be VERY CAREFUL.

I did find it very interesting what it had to say about Adam's wound. Mostly I agree that in every man they need to be needed. And how does a woman love a man, hmm? By inviting! This was particularity interesting, and yet I am guilty of: "The typical Church Lady. She's actually quite beautiful, but she dresses in such a way as to hide it. Bag-shaped dresses, hair in a bun. Her heart is also shut down. . . . They don't attack or dominate. But neither do they allure. Their message is simply, "There's nothing here for you." . .. A man in her presence feels . . .Uninvited. Unwanted. (p.160) So let me go now and tell my man "I need you. I need your strength. I believe in you. You have what it takes"! (p.161)

HELLO! It's a COMMERCIAL!

In our home we don't get very good TV reception at all. We haven't put the antennas up to do so. We don't want to, we do just fine with videos and movies.

So now while we are out traveling and visiting with the in-laws my daughter (and me!) are enjoying DIGITAL TV!

But my little girl just doesn't understand commercials. So every time she's watching - say - JoJo's circus and they take a commercial break, she freaks.

"NO! Mommy! Jojo's tircus!"
"Honey, it will be right back."
"No mommy bideo! Jojo tircus!"
"This is just a commercial, it last a little bit . . "
"No co-mertol, No mommy bideo!"

And this pretty much goes on until a)a fun commercial comes on that she gets interested in or
b) her show comes back on

Yet if it's option A then once that commercial is over she's upset that we changed her "bideo" on her AGAIN! It's so fustrating for her!

The Twilight Zone (for me)

I am the only one here (am I?), it seems, that finds it funny that a tortilla is being called a "boritto shell" !?

I really am having a tough time asking for a boritto shell for my quesadilla with a straight face!
*snicker*

A shell gave me the image of a hard thing. Like a hard shell taco or something. Guess not.

*snicker*

(Updated 8/10) Flipflop mama and Kellygirl asked me where I am. I am in the big MO with the in-laws. :-) It's a different world!

Joy comes in the morning!

And what joy it will be to meet Happy mom. Yet double my blessings Addie is going to be there too!

Meanwhile . . . *ugh* visits! I am SO EXHAUSTED! Bowling, swimming, BBQ's, movies, talking, driving, driving driving! Naps? Between point A and point B . . Maybe. Mom? Bone weary! Kids? Strung out.

*sigh* Fun is such WORK!

:-)

Captivating

Chapter 8

I must say, this one is the first chapter that I went "AH-HA!" In fact that is scribbled on the side of the page just like that in my book - Ah -Ha!

The part about a mans strength, I agree with. I, even in my strongest days, likes a hero. I suspect I am not alone.

Now, let me share with you what I LOVED!

For almost a year now, possibly may be 2 . . . a long time, I have wondered what "a quiet spirit" means. Searching around I got vague answers. Still I did notice that from God Himself I was getting messages over and over in the bible, in sermons, in talks with other women of TRUST and REST. Have I been so blind that I didn't see GOD WAS ANSWERING ME?!

Over and over, trust and rest, trust and rest. But this chapter spelled it out so clearly for me - Beauty flows from a heart at rest 1 Peter 3:3-4 says that our beauty should come from "your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." A spirit at rest. To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. (pg.134) Yes! I know it. It resonates with me. "He will quiet you with his love"(Zeph.3:17). A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God . . ." (pg.135) And there is your beauty.

In Real Life!

Yeee Hawww! I am getting together real soon with Happy Mom on the 10th!

Woo Hoo!

And at Starbucks! Woo Hoo!

I've been surviving too long on istant coffee!

Hot Topic! Beware.

Missionary Mom is talking about some VERY interesting stuff.

This post started out as a comment in response to what she had to say about abusive relationships and I realized that it was getting too long, so I post it here:

It has been said in the comments that we really can't say until we've been there- that is so true -Like I always did my best parenting before I had kids.

So this is just my opinion: Grab your cup of coffee, it's going to be a long one.

I would think that each situation is as different as the person. And it really is a matter of crossing that bridge when you get to it. If there are children involved you must PROTECT THE CHILDREN!

Even verbal abuse, or abuse that is only directed at the mother is still damaging to children THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. In case #2 of "I am at a loss" the oldest girl is making a lot of wrong choices, but I wouldn't call upon an abusive father to protect her - as Dr. Laura Schlessinger would say (from "10 stupid thing parents do to mess up their kids")- he tore up his parenting card. We need to keep our children away from harmful things! I agree with Missionary Mom, God does not want women to stay in abusive situations, women, children or anybody.

The Enemy is the one to blame and he is seeking to rob, kill and destroy so it is not surprising to me that women from case #1 left her husband that the enemy tried another way to destroy, rob, kill her. Playing on her weakness/need to be loved and supported, using the "your too busy" and selfishness to rob kill and destroy her kids. I am not surprised at all.

Yet we know God can do miracles, God can give someone a special calling to stay and use that to affect someone else. As may be the case of "Another horror story". So it is really about what has been said "their relationship with God".

My own mother was abused physically, probably verbally too. My father at times abused us children and almost to our deaths. But he passed away (was taken away?) when we were 3 years old, 2 and 9 months. He was in perfect health and 26 years old. Just died. I do not believe my brothers or myself would be in the wonderful position God has us in if our extended family and church family didn't step in to help us!

Somebody needs to serve as the loving arms of God and wrap them up. Extend, extend, extend. It doesn't happen often because it is A LOT OF WORK! Healthy people tend to chose healthy spouses. Damaging/damaged people tend to marry damaged people and make more damaged people - so it will not be cut and dry. In fact more often than not it is VERY MESSY. You're going to see families make terrible choices after you "help" them and you will want to throw in the towel. I am speaking from the experience of my own mother and family. But if it wasn't for the persistent reaching out to, and continual prayer for -at least us children - IN SPITE of our parents, I, nor my brothers (who also are both missionaries) could not, would not be where we are now.

So my opinion. Ideally mommies and daddies would reflect God in their love for each other and children. Children DO need both a mother and a father, but don't suffer abuse unless that is God's specific leading, protect the children and then DON"T LET THESE MOTHERS AND CHILDREN JUST SINK! EXTEND HELP!

As I write this my heart is filled with gratitude for my extended family and friends that did intervened in our lives. I can't thank you enough! Even though you all don't READ my blog . . . :-)

Fun News!

Life is a rollercoaster - with ups and downs. I've shared my downs, now let me share an up with you! Dear little Mister has taken his first steps at his "auntie-grandmas" (my aunts) and is now walking, abeit a little woobly, at his grandma's and grandpa's. It sure is fun to share these moments with them! Watch out world he is a walker now!

More news.

My dear friends, I believe I miscarried Saturday. It happened suddenly, messily and painfully.

I find it interesting that I didn't feel like sharing the news with all my family.
Don't worry, I'm OK.
I LOVED reading all your congratulation when I told you I was prego - and they still make me smile.
This is most certainly true (been in Minnesota too long don't cha know!) you are my support group.
*love to you all*!!!

Captivating Romance

Capivating romanced. I totally agree with the statement A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved. I believe it, I have seen it happen. And that we don't need to wait for a man to do this! Yes, God longs to bring this Himself!

That Jesus describes himself and his longing and love for us like a bridegroom, I "get". When the groom is at the alter, waiting for his woman (according to God's plan), its exciting and emotional, but what is it that the groom is looking forward to? (Mind you, I have to keep this blog family friendly!) - intimacy with his bride (wink wink). Oh yeah - sure, love of a lifetime, family, long walks on warm summer evenings under the stars bla bla bla, but he is sure looking forward to knowing his wife! In the biblical sense. It is bonding, it draws them together like nothing else, it makes them one. In God's plan it is BEAUTIFUL, it is S.P.E.C.I.A.L. Special. A want, a need, a drive! that's the longing Jesus has for us.

*whew* Is it warm in here or is it just me?

And I do believe that this romancing is personal! I have experienced it myself but I will tell the story of my Aunt. She loves to see horses running loose on the streets. She lives in an area where that is not unheard of. Often she will recount to me that just when she needed it, just when she may have asked for some loven from her God, she is given a sight of running horses. Coincidence? OH COME ON! Take it for what it is! GOD LOVING YOU! Why not? He can, HE'S GOD!

And I know. I KNOW He spoils me!

This may seem a bit much, doesn't God have a lot to do? Isn't He too busy to be all spoiling on me? But God is eternal! He is not locked into time like we are. This romancing can be personal, He can "sing over with delight and dance . . . Across mountain tops and ballroom floors" with us because He has eternity to do so, with each one of us!

Eldredge says "God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and the mundane . . . the laundry and lists . . .He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be,. He wants intimacy with the real you."

Amen.

It would be like telling my hubby that we cant have intimacy (or "putting up pickles" as boomama would say) until I was the ideal wife . . . Lose a few more pounds, get some perky-er everything . . .*snort* Yeah, like that would happen. But you see? My hubby doesn't want perfection - he wants me and he wants me NOW! So does Jesus. :-)

And I agreed with the ending chapters - our time with the lover of our souls will be opposed! Don't we know it! So, I am challenged again to DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to get (oh, dare I say it!) orgasmic with my Jesus!

(Please forgive me if I offended any sensitivities, but I do believe His passion for us is this strong!)