My Walk Mondays

People have asked . . Well what is it you feel God is telling you?

This is a question that stems from my hubbies bad health and I've been feeling very overwhelmed. But I've had to say - nothing. God has been alarmingly silent.

That is until two days ago, when the Spirit spoke to me as only He can, and He said:

I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to tell your husband.

Dude.

("dude" was me, not God)

So, there it is. And things have been easier for me since I've stopped fighting against my situation and have/am focusing to live with it.

The good news is that a house has come available that is closer to the doctors for my hubby and just far enough away from our ministry here that "drop-in's" wouldn't be so prevalent, and that just might give me the breather I need. As to whether it is a "go" or no - that is between my God and my husband.

-ahhhh-

My Walk Mondays

I have a ton of stuff to do today, and a missionary friend just took my two eldest so I have to make this quick to take advantage of the kid-less home . . .

God just about brought me to tears this morning with this verse:

He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Isaiah 40:10

The emphasis is mine . . . but I didn't want you to miss it . . . I am His lamb and you see, He carries me close to His heart! When I dwell on that I can almost hear His heartbeat.

But more - he gently leads those that have young - that's me. Praise Him for his gentle leading, because I do feel so lost on my own. And I've been feeling so tired lately as those of you who are close to me know.

This road trip we did with my husband fading away before my eyes with kidney failure has been the hardest trial I have been through of late. As he has been able to do less and less I have had to take on more and more, and his care too . . . My head swims with all the "what ifs" and "what nows" that need to be addressed. That is why this verse so touched my heart. I am blessed this morning knowing that I am gently lead and carried.

Praise God for that!

Gently lead and carried.

Reminiscing . .

Have I been absent from the blogging world of late?

Yes

And I know this irritates me more than it even registers with you . . .

We are leaving Saturday for our bi-annual trek north to visit the churches, friend and families that support us. So I've been in the hub of preparations, and getting presentations ready and such . . .aside from that we have a visiting group with us this week that leave on Friday.

So I console myself by imagining all the "free" time I'll have on our trip to peruse my bloglines and bloggity friends . . .

Meanwhile, going through some old pictures and ran across the time Heather and I hung out . . .

The mamas

The daughters

The son (*ack!* can this really be before my own two sons were born!!! It is! It is before! *ack!*)

The meltdown (yes, my girl -*roll eyes*)

My brother (who's lady gets the credit and thanks for letting us visit this place) says that it is known as "The Happiest Place on Earth" because the kids make a deposit there . . they go in giddy and leave all the "happy" there.

And since I missed "My Walk Monday" let me leave you with a verse that is really ministering to my spirit this morning: Isaiah 33:2, 6, 22

"O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you.

Be our strength every morning,
our salvation in time of distress. . . .

He will be the sure foundation for
your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear
of the LORD is the key to this treasure. . .

For the LORD is our judge,
the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us."

My walk Mondays

Two days ago a deaf women asked me, in tears, if she should grant her husband the divorce he is demanding . . .

Two weeks ago I was made aware of an abusive relationship . . .

Two months ago another deaf lady tells of a happening that is causing her great shame . . .

And I have been feeling so unqualified, so unable to meet these needs. To give the right counsel . . .

There are so many things that I need to work on - just me - how could I help anyone else? Isn't there someone more studied, more ready, more qualified to handle this than me?

Well, yes, perhaps, but the point is . . . they are not here! I am.

There is some serious spiritual bleeding going on, and there may not be a hospital near by, but I sure can administer first aid!!

So I am going to learn about ministering to the spirit, though prayer, and being able to hear, really hear God's Spirit. And I am going to be ministered to - to help assure that my own spirit is healthy to be able, then, to help others.

I am learning about The significance of sowing and reaping.

It's going to be a process. I know. And I'm rather excited about it.

There are spiritual laws at work that are as real and affecting as gravity, whether or not you believe in them.

Luke 6:37-38 says:

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be
condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you.
A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured
into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

If you take this verse in context - the part about "give, and it will be given to you" what is it talking about?

Forgiveness

What does forgiveness look like? It is a giving of the case to God.

• it's a decision, not a feeling
• it is acknowledging what happened, not denying the pain or anger
• it accepts that we can not go back to the way things were, not living "as if it never happened"
• it is not forgetting, the aim is to come to a point where the memory will no longer cause us pain
• forgiveness is not reconciling ourselves to a person who is unwilling or dangerous
• it is to accept and live with the consequences, not to be in denial, or continually grieving or blaming . . .
• it is the giving up of my right for retribution or restitution (that's in God's hands)
• it does not maintain a list of offences or hurts or a list of all we'd like to say
• it means dealing with my own hurts and offence and nothing to do with the guilt or innocents of the offender
• it is not necessarily a one time deal, it is only the beginning of the healing process
• it does not grant instant trust, the offender is responsible to rebuild/earn that trust. Earned trust is restitution
• forgiveness is a gift from God and something we do with His strength and grace, not our own

To harbor unforgiveness towards someone is like drinking poison and expecting the offender to die.

That's just to start off this week.

My walk continued . . .

When I was in college I got my major in cultural anthropology. One of my classes studies these people, the Yanomami. And let me assure you, the typical anthropological attitude towards missionaries is one of extreme antipathy. (There's your college degree at work!)

One book I've kept over the years was written by Napoleon A Changnon called "Yanomamo: The Fierce People". He had particular issue with the missionaries getting in a huff about "chewing tobacco . . .taking extra wives, or most annoyingly, insufflating their hallucinogens and chanting to their hekura spirits." (pg.206)

Do you know what it means "insufflating their hallucinogens"? They take a long hollow pole, one guy, with all his might, blows the hallucinogens into the nostril of the other. Yeah, fun stuff. Changnon wrote of his experience insufflating some hallucinogens and he says "I called out to Ferefereriwa and Periboriwa, hot and meat hungry hekura, and asked them to come into my chest and dwell within me."(pg.208)

Changnon concedes that a few of the missionaries "were downright humane-given their ultimate goal of destroying Yanomamo religion." --yeah, that enslavement to darkness . . .

Years later, this book came out "Spirit of the Rainforest: A Yanomamo Shaman's Story" by Mark Andrew Ritchie. Mark wrote down the story dictated to him by "Jungleman" a powerful shamen that converted, and - wouldn't you know - be of the people that Changnon worked with. How interesting to read Jungleman's side of the story.

One thing that I found interesting in both this book and in the book "Growing up Yanomamo" by Michael Dawson is that whenever worship and praise was played/sung all the hekura fled, wouldn't come near, and it was a particular peeve of the shamens.

So - today, I'm going to have praise and worship going just in case there are any hekura hanging about . . . .

My walk

So, I just finished reading a fun and easy book called "Growing Up Yanomamo" by Mike Dawson.

1 of 10 children this missionary couple had, Mike was born and raised with the Yanomamo.

It was a book lent to me, so I have already returned it . . and for that I am sorry. I am sorry I can not quote you some of the book here *sigh* because although it was fun to read of hunting monkeys and wild boar, getting stupidly close to anacondas, and him holding his breath while a jaguar hunted him, I was mostly touched by how in tune the yanomami where to the spiritual world.

All this world will pass away, it is mortal. My body, my flesh, my things, the items that seem so permanent to me, like the sun, the universe, and even time itself ,will all pass away. Yet our souls remain, God is the great I AM and that means never changing . . the spirit world is eternal. So in essence it is the more "real" of the two worlds and we are . . . a puff of smoke, a flash of light.

Why then do so many deny the existence, and workings of the spiritual or that it surrounds us? Hmm? Because we can't see it? Like the baby before it gets the idea of permanence goes through that stage where if he can't see the thing, then it just ceases to exist. It is a belief that is both dangerous and stupid.

In Spanish there are two verbs: ser and estar. If you use the babel fish translators they will give you "to be" for both of them. But one is used for something that does not change, and another for something that may.

'To be' or not 'to be'?

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Anyways - ser is the not-changing verb of 'to be', "I am a woman." would be translated with the ser verb. "Yo soy una mujer." Even if I had serious surgery, my chromosomes would give me away; I am a woman and that won't change. But if I were to say - "I am tired." I would use the estar verb "Estoy cansada." Because that will change (soon, hopefully, please) . . .

God's I AM never changes, never has, never will. He is the Great YO SOY!

How can I, changing from one nano-second to the next, think of my existence here as more "real"?

Back to the book, these yanomami were sitting around the fire with Mike when they asked him what was so different about the white man and them so that if the white man wants to be covered from the bugs, he goes out and makes clothes. If he wants to cross the ocean he makes a boat and does so. And if he wants to, he goes builds a ship and walks on the moon. What is the difference?

Unable to quote from the book I will paraphrase here: Mike couldn't respond and the talk around the campfire grew silent as they pondered this until one of the yanomami spoke up and said he knew! See, Mike's forefathers served the Creator God, and He is the giver of wisdom and so the descendents have been blessed . . where as the yanomami forefathers serve Satan and have been enslaved by him and his spirits and, therefore, kept in darkness.

Could you just chew on that for a moment.

This is getting long - so I'll continue next Monday . . . .

My walk

This is my first post of this meme. I'm excited.

I was reading in Isaiah 15-16

Now, I am not a biblical scholar. I've never been to seminary, and I don't have the bible in the Greek translation. I just read it. I depend on the Holy Spirit to teach me and I might pick up a study here and there for more depth and history, but for the most part I usually have laundry that I need to hang up and put away.

So, follow me on this . . .

The people of Moab come from an ugly act of incest (Genesis 19:36-38) and remember the story of the talking donkey? That was the king and princes of Moab who were afraid of the Israelites so were asking Balaam to curse them. (Numbers 22)

Then, right there in this story Balaam says:

"I see him, but not now;
I behold him, but not near.
A star will come out of Jacob;
a scepter will rise out of Israel."
(Numbers 22:17)

A foretelling of Christ.

And now when I'm reading Isaiah talking about Moab, I find this:

"In love a throne will be established;
in faithfulness a man will sit on it—
one from the house of David—
one who in judging seeks justice
and speeds the cause of righteousness."

Isaiah 16:5

Another foretelling of Christ. Random?

Yeah - I've learned God seldom, if ever, is random.

Why here? Why now? Why again when we are talking about Moab do we hear about Jesus?

Because of Ruth, who will be the great grandmother to King David - the line that Jesus comes from? (Ruth 1, 4)

See, now that, to me, is just plain cool.

"O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago"

Isaiah 25:1