I am an artificial friend.

Plank Pulling is a little thing we do every Thursday around here. The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.  It’s intimidating and it’s embarrassing and it’s humbling and it’s therapeutic all rolled into one.

I'm kinda amazed at my group of friends.  They are some amazing women!  But it is amazing that they count me a friend at all.

See - I'm artificial.

And they know it.

Let me explain; most of my closest  friends are nature loving, tree hugging, organic,  home making, from-scratching, kombucha drinking friends.

And I have at least one set of "America sucks and so does the American church" dreads wearing hippies. (Hi! Hippy friends!*wave*)

And I'm not.

And I'm patriotic.  I tear up at 4th of July parades.  At patriotic songs, too.  (again, Hi, Hippy friends! Love you!)

Now, I appreciate nature, beauty, and doing good for the the ecosystem - Nevertheless, I prefer nature walks with trails, Camp sites with hot showers, indoor plumbing (LOVE indoor plumbing) foods made with fresh/organic ingredients that *someone else* grew.  I like my chickens already plucked  and packaged.

And I like hot dogs.  No matter the ingredients, what is ground up and in a hot dog never tasted so good.  And Twinkies.  I like Twinkies.

A few days ago I went to visit one of said friends who has here own chickens, and they were going to . . I don't know, *Something* with the chickens and the kids were telling me how much it stank.  "But, OH!" my friend said "You get fresh eggs every.day!" . .

To me the pay off is not worth it.  Not with cows, not with chickens, not with a major garden.

I might try growing a small herb garden.

As for environmentally healthy living - again, I can appreciate it.  But I really don't hold much hope of anything getting better.  I *do* believe that Jesus is coming back soon, and maybe the elimination of the ozone would be one of the major things that is spoken of in the Bible when the end is upon us.  So I won't say that all the disaster senarios environmentalist are dreading wont happen.  . .

Don't worry world, I don't just throw plastic bags out our car window while driving.  When at the beach I make sure to gather all my garbage and place it in it's proper receptacle, and I will buy "green" stuff if it's there at a good price.  But if it cost more to live better, I'll just die. Thankyouverymuch.

An optimistic cynic.  That's me.

When my friends talk to me about organic food, I can't jump on the bandwagon to believe it's better - Pesticides were created for a reason, and I am not buying that it was for population control.

That's what lick-able stamps were for.

If it's canned, packaged, instant, or boxed, it's OK by me.  I like preservatives that help the food I buy not spoil so fast and I'm willing to live with the consequences of hormones in my oranges that make them HUGE!

And with that last paragraph I'll probably have to go into witness protection program . . . .

Really - I love my peeps!  I can appreciate all they do and why.  Amazed they tolerate me.

But I only got the urge to drink kombucha *once*

Just a whole bunch of silly princesses . . .

I'm sure you've seen this one before: 

 and while looking for that picture I ran into this:

All because today, while going through my own pictures I found *THIS* very silly bunch of princesses . . . . . .

I *heart* princesses.

My boy, the warmonger.

My boy makes war on paper:     out of clay, 

*Out* of paper

legos and playmobil

  and even a doll - this one is dressed up as a knight.

of course, he himself is the most valiant of warriors!  

I think it's hard wired into him.

The one about prayer

Plank Pulling Thursday - I was going to do this last week.  Didn't get around to it and then Jessica posts *This* last week.

So - I'm gonna go with it.

I don't habitually pray before I eat.

There - I said it. I'm in ministry, I teach Bible studies, I take God VERY seriously and it is usually my hubby that walks in and asks "Did anyone pray?" While I mummble and swallow and  clasp my hands together.

I'd like my kids to give thanks before they eat.  I do think there is Biblical precedence for it . . .

I just don't follow through.

I take my relationship with Jesus very personal, it's not a religion for me - it's a relationship, and I think there is a fine line between familiarity and disrespect.

But really - does that mar my christian report card?  Does it? Really?

I might argue that saying thanks before we eat can get legalistic  . . . oooohhh and "legalistic" is bad in all christian-ese.

I mean, God and I talk all the time!  There has been more than one prayer that started in my heart and my first words where "I Know!" because God was giving me a spiritual nudge. And I will just start talking to Him.   My Abba, Father.

But consider - God is my Abba, and KING.  So, like - say the president's kids, there is a time for intimacy and yet also to remember their fathers position and the respect that is to be show to that.
Granted, I lean towards the intimacy.   Like the intimacy I have with the kids at my table.

And when they leave the table I do insist that they do two things - take the plate to the sink, and say "Thank you for the food" to whomever prepared that meal.

I guess I could see how God just wants the same consideration from me.

OK

I wonder, then, what the "take your plate to the sink" equivalent is?

*huh*

Today, I found these popsicles in the freezer.  So *that's* where the spoons went!  

My 6 year old did it.

And I love that he had the independent gumption to do so!

Now, I love babies.  More, in fact, than I used to. 

But I am happy, happy, happy that my kids are just a little bigger now.

But not BIG.

Still small enough to be carried in after they fall asleep on the drive home.

Although the 7yr old is fastly approaching the time where I won't be able to, anymore.

But they are big enough to get themselves ready in the mornings, and big enough to make popsicles for themselves should they feel inclined.  And big enough to get a drink for themselves when thirsty.

Although, sometimes what they wear, use, drink can surprise/amuse you.

Like the cup I found with a straw in it.  

I remember seeing 3yr old with this drink.  I thought it was ice tea.

Nope.

It was syrup.

Maple syrup.

Yeah.

With.A.Straw.

Dental Hygiene

Me to 6yr old: "you need to go brush your teeth when you're done with your lollipop because your teeth are red."
A little later he says "Hey MOM! Look! I'm brushing my teeth *WHITH* my lollipop!"

Nice

Dude

Dude

I really like that word, ''dude", it fits so perfectly in so many situations.  It'll commiserate, express excitement, joy, defeat, be a greeting, and it is also the most non-committal "safe" word out there.

When first married I told my hubby that if he didn't agree with me about something, maybe he might be thinking I'm completely off my rocker - and he really just wanted to "fix" whatever problem I was having but I just needed him to listen he could safely say "Um, yeah." But "dude" is going to be my new replacement statement.

For example: 

"So, I just feel like it's all a big conspiracy man, and don't lick the stamps, OK? Because it's the Man's way of controlling population and I really care about you."

"Dude"

And what's more, "dude" if executed properly, can be left to be interpreted by the dude recipient to reflect any emotion or sentiment they need.  Nice.

So when you don't know what to say - just say "dude".  For me it is the verbal equivalent of Duck Tape.