Sunday, August 01, 2010

What is one to do?

Beware: I'm taking a different turn here on my blog.

If your interested in our ministry - I still am posting about our work with the deaf over on

Anyway - so I ask, what is one to do when one's mother has an undiagnosed mental illness?  Hmm?

When said mother is not stupid by any degree . . . but rather in her own world?

Need to know where I'm coming from?  Then you need to read "The Glass Castle" and watch some episodes of Hoarders (paying special attention to the cases that has animals living in the house) and add to that the movie "Anywhere But Here" and you may have a small taste of what my life has been like.

Even then, your only going to get a sense of it.  Everyone's "crazy" is a different as a person's musical tastes.

My relationship with her comes from a place of obligation and compassion rather than a true feeling, or warm fuzzes.

So mother's day is kinda hard on me - I see all these "best mother in the world" type thing . . all the "you are so special to me" stuff . . .

it's just different for me . . . you know.

I have yet to see the card for mothers day that says "Thank you for birthing me."  but I'm sure I'm not the only one who could use one of those.


Brittney Harmon said...

likin the changes :o) *sigh* about your mother. I go back and forth between thinking she's actually pretty cool... to, well, you know. I feel for ya, but just another reason why you have so many good friends :o)

mama said...

Nor is there a card for "Thanks for letting me live!" Or "I'm so glad you are my mother because after going through THAT life has been easy for me." :(

I truly feel that my mom did the best she could with what she had. Problem was she just had so very incredibly little.

The hard part now is mothering. . . creating a relationship with my daughter and sons when I didn't have it from my mother to begin with.

Oh, and the wondering if I'm following a little TOO closely in her footsteps. . . if ya know what I mean.

I know this is where the Holy Spirit comes in, teaching me what I didn't learn. Also the verse about God giving wisdom generously and without criticizing to all who ask.

Rhonda in Chile said...

I have a similar problem, but with my dad. Finding a father's day card is very dificult. I can't lie, nor can I say what I truly feel. Thankfully, God is a better father than I'll ever need!

mama said...

I thought of another hard part. . . those days when you just want a "mommy." And few would understand this need is not being met. :(