Sunday, September 27, 2009

"Boundaries" study

Let me 'splain.
No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

This study has been entirely too cheeky for comfort .  . . . As I said to our study's leader " These questions seem to ask you not IF you've violated a boundary but WHEN!"

So allow me to focus on a major theme; being that we each have our own responsibilities to shoulder, and we are to help others but are not responsible for others.  In the book they call this boulders (situations too big to handle alone) vs knapsacks (everyone's individual responsibilities). The bible calls us to help with one another boulders- and to ask for help when we are faced with a boulder- but each one is to carry his own knapsackand then defining the difference between the two.

Big idea here: Boundaries get infringed upon but we can only work on our own boundaries - not on others.  And we must aim to not infringe on other's boundaries.

People may get offended or withdraw from you if you have to say "no", but you need to be OK with that - why? How? Because our primary relationship is with God so we are not dependent on other's for their good opinion - we know God's opinion of us.  In the same matter - you need to be OK if someone says "no" to you - again, because we are rooted in God's hand.  So let us aim not to take it so personally - ladies - please.

The flip side of this is that for some of us we need to be able to say "yes" to help, and to be able to give help without attaching any sort of strings . . . but because we honestly want to help.

Face it, any situation where there is a potential of resentment is because something was given with an expectation.  Remove expectation and you have the removal of resentment.

Next week we will be looking at the myths of boundaries where there is a big one I look forward to tackling: "If I set boundaries I'm being selfish" . . . so stay tuned!


Brittney Harmon said...

would like to hear more... wanna come to Portola and talk about it all?

Rebecca said...

This morning I told my oldest son that every situation in life has an applicable quote from the Princess Bride. Thank you for reinforcing my opinion. lol

"Remove the expectation and you remove the resentment." Well said!!! This sounds like a phenomenal study! Don't suppose it's in Spanish, too? ;^)

Thanks for sharing and keep it up!

mama said...

One of my all time favorite movies!!!

I was just talking with a friend about this yesterday. The guilt for not (for example) being at church for a particular event (planned last minute; important to attend, but not possible this week) and the guilt she feels when she is not there. And how we should NOT feel guilty for these situations.

Expectation is HUGE in many situations!

mutating missionary said...

Coming up on my 53rd birthday and my 4th year on the field as a missionary, I have decided the learning of boundary building and bending is a life-time learning curve. I understand that if we remove the expectations we are not dissappointed -- but when one is in a relationship - that relationship comes with some expectations... i.e. faithfulness, honesty, etc. Remove those expectations and you remove the meaning of the relationship.
know that i really enjoyed this blogspot and am not against boundaries... in fact my kids call me the Boundary Woman! "Boundary... Boundary... you have just stepped over the Boundary!" hahaha! But, I have learned that I tend to like the visual of Fence and Gate. The fence is there to protect me and the gate is there for me to be able to decide to open and let someone in. Love reading your blog!