I am an artificial friend.

Plank Pulling is a little thing we do every Thursday around here. The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.  It’s intimidating and it’s embarrassing and it’s humbling and it’s therapeutic all rolled into one.

I'm kinda amazed at my group of friends.  They are some amazing women!  But it is amazing that they count me a friend at all.

See - I'm artificial.

And they know it.

Let me explain; most of my closest  friends are nature loving, tree hugging, organic,  home making, from-scratching, kombucha drinking friends.

And I have at least one set of "America sucks and so does the American church" dreads wearing hippies. (Hi! Hippy friends!*wave*)

And I'm not.

And I'm patriotic.  I tear up at 4th of July parades.  At patriotic songs, too.  (again, Hi, Hippy friends! Love you!)

Now, I appreciate nature, beauty, and doing good for the the ecosystem - Nevertheless, I prefer nature walks with trails, Camp sites with hot showers, indoor plumbing (LOVE indoor plumbing) foods made with fresh/organic ingredients that *someone else* grew.  I like my chickens already plucked  and packaged.

And I like hot dogs.  No matter the ingredients, what is ground up and in a hot dog never tasted so good.  And Twinkies.  I like Twinkies.

A few days ago I went to visit one of said friends who has here own chickens, and they were going to . . I don't know, *Something* with the chickens and the kids were telling me how much it stank.  "But, OH!" my friend said "You get fresh eggs every.day!" . .

To me the pay off is not worth it.  Not with cows, not with chickens, not with a major garden.

I might try growing a small herb garden.

As for environmentally healthy living - again, I can appreciate it.  But I really don't hold much hope of anything getting better.  I *do* believe that Jesus is coming back soon, and maybe the elimination of the ozone would be one of the major things that is spoken of in the Bible when the end is upon us.  So I won't say that all the disaster senarios environmentalist are dreading wont happen.  . .

Don't worry world, I don't just throw plastic bags out our car window while driving.  When at the beach I make sure to gather all my garbage and place it in it's proper receptacle, and I will buy "green" stuff if it's there at a good price.  But if it cost more to live better, I'll just die. Thankyouverymuch.

An optimistic cynic.  That's me.

When my friends talk to me about organic food, I can't jump on the bandwagon to believe it's better - Pesticides were created for a reason, and I am not buying that it was for population control.

That's what lick-able stamps were for.

If it's canned, packaged, instant, or boxed, it's OK by me.  I like preservatives that help the food I buy not spoil so fast and I'm willing to live with the consequences of hormones in my oranges that make them HUGE!

And with that last paragraph I'll probably have to go into witness protection program . . . .

Really - I love my peeps!  I can appreciate all they do and why.  Amazed they tolerate me.

But I only got the urge to drink kombucha *once*

The one about prayer

Plank Pulling Thursday - I was going to do this last week.  Didn't get around to it and then Jessica posts *This* last week.

So - I'm gonna go with it.

I don't habitually pray before I eat.

There - I said it. I'm in ministry, I teach Bible studies, I take God VERY seriously and it is usually my hubby that walks in and asks "Did anyone pray?" While I mummble and swallow and  clasp my hands together.

I'd like my kids to give thanks before they eat.  I do think there is Biblical precedence for it . . .

I just don't follow through.

I take my relationship with Jesus very personal, it's not a religion for me - it's a relationship, and I think there is a fine line between familiarity and disrespect.

But really - does that mar my christian report card?  Does it? Really?

I might argue that saying thanks before we eat can get legalistic  . . . oooohhh and "legalistic" is bad in all christian-ese.

I mean, God and I talk all the time!  There has been more than one prayer that started in my heart and my first words where "I Know!" because God was giving me a spiritual nudge. And I will just start talking to Him.   My Abba, Father.

But consider - God is my Abba, and KING.  So, like - say the president's kids, there is a time for intimacy and yet also to remember their fathers position and the respect that is to be show to that.
Granted, I lean towards the intimacy.   Like the intimacy I have with the kids at my table.

And when they leave the table I do insist that they do two things - take the plate to the sink, and say "Thank you for the food" to whomever prepared that meal.

I guess I could see how God just wants the same consideration from me.

OK

I wonder, then, what the "take your plate to the sink" equivalent is?

My very first! Plank Pulling Thursday

This is my first Plank Pulling Thursday that Bohemian Bowmans has been hosting for quite a while now.

She says " . . . The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style."



So bear with me -

Recently, I've had two great friends celebrate their birthdays.  One, her hubby set up an elaborate surprise getaway to a Bed & Breakfast followed on their return to a surprise pot luck party with friends.  The other had her friends *our* friends throw a surprise black and white party. I just love both these ladies and every one of 'em that set all this up.  And I *love* to celebrate birthdays!

Here's the plank.

I've got childish envie up the wazoo.  Yes.  Grown woman, mother of three, former Army National Guard, field missionary since 1997, I. have. jumped. out. of. planes!  For crying out loud!  Picture me, on the floor, kicking my heals, pounding my fists.  IWAANNAABIRTHDAYPARTY!  I WANT SOMEBODY TO REMEMBER ME!

*sigh* (give me a minute to gather myself)

And my plank is big enough that I want someone else to remember my birthday.  I don't want to tell them - because it just. isn't. the. same.

My birthday is in May and very often gets rolled into Mother's day and so it's kinda "shared" *if* it's remembered at all.  Other years my birthday was remembered by my beloved, with a weak "Happy Birthday honey, but it's the end of the month . . maybe we'll do something when we get some money."

I sound ridiculous to myself.

Yet - ther' be a plank there, no doubt.

It's more like a pool for me.  A self pity pool that draws my interest and just makes me want to dive in and swim around in it.

So - now to pull this sucker.

I will chose NOT to swim in that self-pity pool.  And if I get my toes wet, I will pull them out quick.  I will give thanks for what I have.

I know that I have friends that love me.  I know my husband loves me. I know this.  And if I want a birthday party - next year - I'm going to let people know.  Oh - and I'm going to set aside a sum for my sweet hubby to go get something, and I'll provide him a list to chose from!  And I'll give God the thanks for another year.

So be warned friends and family . . . May 29th. It will be a true "memorial weekend" if I can help it!